
Welcome to the #XavierProtocols, where I—your resident queer Blerd—explore the mess, the drama, and the brilliance of mutantkind. Today, we’re doing what Charles Xavier probably didn’t have the courage (or pettiness) to do in the official Xavier Protocols: building a protocol to snatch Cyclops’s wig. Why? Because nothing screams “mutant soap opera” like dismantling the X-Men’s boy scout in chief. Let’s dive in.
Protocol: Snatch the Visor, Expose the Hypocrisy
Objective
Now, we could do something boring like some sort of visor blocker, but Cyclops (Scott Summers) is a tactical genius and the ultimate team leader – unless you dismantle this, you really can’t take him out. That being said he’s also the king of questionable decisions and simmering insecurity. This protocol is designed to destabilize his iron-clad confidence while highlighting his complicated relationships, questionable leadership, and that time he left his wife for a psychic projection.
Step 1: The Emotional Distraction – Enter the Jean Grey Triangle
Step one is simple: weaponize Scott’s eternal struggle with Jean Grey and her Phoenix baggage.
1. Have a telepath (Emma Frost, probably backed by the Cuckoos to be able to bypass his considerable psychic defences) implant subtle but persistent visions of Phoenix Force Jean Grey telling Scott he’ll never measure up.
2. Spice it up by adding echoes of his past—Maddie Pryor (Jean’s clone turned Hell Queen) whispering, “Remember me?”
3. Amplify the guilt: remind Scott that he basically bailed on Maddie and Nathan for Jean 2.0. He won’t sleep for weeks.
The result? Cyclops will be too emotionally rattled to strategize effectively. Wig? Already trembling.
Step 2: Tactically Undermine the Tactician
Scott’s leadership is his core identity. To snatch that wig, you must undermine his tactical reputation.
1. Forge fake battle plans that make it look like Cyclops betrayed the team for personal gain.
2. Have Forge rig up malfunctioning tech in his visor during a critical mission—it’ll glitch, leaving Scott exposed and dependent on others to lead.
3. Plant rumors among the team that Storm could do his job better (she can). Watch as Scott spirals.
Wig? Slipping.
Step 3: The Ultimate Callout
Cyclops thrives on control, so the final step is forcing him to confront his lack of control.
1. Have Emma Frost hijack Cerebro to broadcast a psychic message to every mutant on Earth. The message?
• “Scott Summers: Leader, Husband, Abandoner of Clones, and Magneto Fanboy.”
• Bonus points if she adds receipts: his ”Mutant Supremacy” phase with Magneto during Utopia.
2. As mutants everywhere roll their collective eyes, Jean Grey (real or psychic projection) emerges and says, “Scott, I expected better.”
By this point, Scott’s reputation is in tatters. Wig? Fully snatched and burned to a crisp.
Final Thoughts
Cyclops is the most because he has to be. He carries the burden of being Charles Xavier’s golden boy while grappling with his own imperfections. But this protocol proves that, like every great leader, he’s only one wig-snatching away from chaos.
Destabilizing Cyclops through these methods targets both his tactical brilliance and emotional foundation, rendering him unable to effectively wield his power. Scott’s optic blasts are tied to his mental control, and his current PTSD only exacerbates his instability. By unearthing his guilt, questioning his leadership, and exposing his fractured identity, you create a mental and emotional overload that will make it impossible for him to maintain focus. A destabilized Cyclops isn’t just an ineffective leader—he’s a liability to himself and the team. His inability to process these compounded stressors will cause his powers to misfire or falter, leaving him neutralized and vulnerable. The once-unshakeable field leader? Fully out of commission. Wig? Pulverized.

What other mutant wigs should we snatch next? Drop your suggestions below, and let’s keep these protocols going!
Stay petty, stay mutant,
Professor X’s Snatched Wig